It's a Roller Coaster and I'm Ready to Get Off. . .

When I wrote yesterday I was kind of on a high of relief. Things are still ok, but yesterday was a tough one, so this morning I'm feeling a little low.

Mitchell was moved from the PICU to a regular room (and much more comfortable for parents) yesterday morning. I spent the afternoon and evening at the hospital yesterday and Guy was able to sleep for about 1 1/2 hours. Mitchell was having a really bad time, though. At first he seemed to just want to get out of there and was very squirmy and hard to distract. He did finally play with some toys for a little while and that helped. After we got a little food in him (I think food and drink haven't felt all that good to him since he had a tube down his throat for about 8 hours, so he was a little reluctant, and swallowing kind of funny), I managed to get him to sleep. He even let me put him in his crib for about an hour (at which point a resident walked in, was really loud and woke him up--I could have strangled her--so he was back in my arms after that). While he was still out of it, someone from neurology came and gave him an EEG--this involved taping 23 electrodes to his head, wrapping his head in gauze and then monitoring him for 30 minutes. I pretty much held my breath the whole time, fearing that he would surely wake up and tear everything off (it took about 10 minutes to get him set up and this gal was working so fast. . .). After the EEG we discovered partly why he'd been sleeping so well. His fever was back and on the rise pretty fast, and once he woke up, he was just miserable. We talked with another Dr. who I really liked, but whose name I couldn't tell you for anything, and he ordered a dose of tamiflu medicine for Mitchell to hopefully decrease the severity and duration of his flu symptoms. The medicine must taste horrible because Mitchell really fought us on that one, and wouldn't take anything after that. The pudding he'd been eating before, he just would spit out. Luckily the motrin finally kicked in and he was able to relax and even reached for his crib. He curled up on his stomach and layed on his "sleepy bear" we brought from home, and was just about asleep when I left at 8:30.

My dad drove up to pick me up and I left the van for Guy with the optimism that he'd need it to bring M home as soon as they discharge him--but that may be a while yet. This morning I talked to Guy and the great news was that M had slept through the night (a vast improvement over the night before) and he woke with no fever, and happier than he'd been at all yesterday. They did another chest x-ray this morning (I think this is to do with the flu now, not so much the seizure, but I don't even know anymore), and Guy was just waiting for someone from Neurology to come by and let us know the results of the EEG and what the next steps, if any, there are. In the mean time, they are also testing his stools, and they did a sweat chloride test. We were hoping to hear from Neurology before I decided if I'm going up today or not. I've definitely got something myself and am feeling worse than I felt yesterday (though I'm not as bad off as Sheridan and Caleb who are laying on the couch today) and I wonder about the wisdom of my being at the hospital. But it kills me not to be there with Mitchell (while I was at the hospital, he was pretty much in my arms the whole time--except for part of his nap--and my arms are quite sore today from wrestling with him), and I worry about the load that Guy has had to carry through all of this because of my being sick. I can't express how much I love him and how incredibly grateful I am for him, for his patience, his caring, his great faith.

This is wearing on the other boys, too. Sheridan and Caleb are sick enough that they are mostly just sleeping, but Marcus was pretty teary this morning when he went to school. He said that he really missed his family when he was at school and that he just wanted to see Mitchell and Dad again. I'm hopeful that school will be good for him and allow him to get his mind off of things a little, but if this drags on anymore and he's still sad, I may let him stay home another day.

This morning I've been making phone calls to get people to take over for the Blue and Gold Banquet I'm in charge of on Thurs. This is when it would have been really nice to have an assistant. . . I need to hear back from a couple of people, and then I'll have it covered and I won't give it another thought. This was my big stress and focus the last week or so, and it's amazing how little I care about it right now.

I've been holding together pretty well--and so far the news is all good, so I have much to be grateful for--but I talked to my visiting teacher this morning and the flood gates kind of opened. She told the that she'd had "so many" calls from people really wanting to help and wondering what they could do for us, and that was all it took. I know that there have been so many prayers offered on our behalf and it means so much to me. It's when I think about all the people who really do love us and care about us that my emotions just take over. I hope to never be in this kind of position again, but there is something absolutely amazing and overwhelming about feeling that love from so many people.

So, after lots of tears, and my confession that I just can't make decisions or see what we need, my VTer said that she'd arrange to have meals brought in for us through Friday--that people would be more than happy to help us in this way. Again, I'm incredibly touched and truly grateful. If nothing else, it's one less thing I'll have to think about, whatever this week may bring.

So, I'm ready for an upswing. I'll hopefully hear from Guy again soon, but I likely won't be able to update again until tomorrow.

Thank you, thank you all again.

(BTW, writing this has opened the flood gates again. I guess it's just going to be a weepy day for me, too. That's ok. I'll probably feel better after some good cry-time)